A Letter From the In-Between

Dear you,

I’ve thought about writing this letter more times than I’d like to admit.

I’ve opened my iPad, stared at a blank page, written a sentence, deleted it, made a cup of coffee, checked my phone, decided I was suddenly very tired, and told myself I’d come back to it tomorrow.

Apparently, tomorrow is a very unreliable person.

And somehow, all this time has passed. And suddenly I’m sitting here wondering how it’s already November.

I’ve missed writing here. I’ve missed putting little pieces of my thoughts into words and sending them out into the world, even if I never quite know who is reading on the other side.

But lately, I haven’t really known how to put life into words.

Not because nothing has been happening.

Quite the opposite.

There’s been a lot happening.

Just not necessarily the kind of things I know how to neatly wrap up in a blog post with a beginning, middle and end.

Life feels a little… unfinished at the moment.

And maybe that’s why I’m writing this now.

Because I think I’m somewhere in between.

In between one chapter and another.

In between the life I’ve known and the life that’s slowly taking shape.

In between feeling completely certain about some things and having absolutely no idea about others.

And honestly, it’s a strange place to be.

I’ve always liked knowing what comes next. Give me a plan, a calendar and preferably a backup plan, and I’m happy.

Unfortunately, life seems to have a personal vendetta against my carefully organised plans.

So here I am, learning that sometimes you can make plans without knowing exactly how everything is going to turn out.

Some days that feels exciting.

Other days it feels slightly terrifying.

And occasionally, both feelings show up at the same time, which is always fun.

There are moments when I feel incredibly hopeful about what’s ahead. I can almost see the person I’m becoming, even if I can’t quite see the whole picture yet.

And then there are other moments when I think, Hang on… am I actually old enough to be making these decisions?

Which is particularly funny considering I am, in fact, old enough.

I think we all secretly expect that at some point adulthood will arrive with a handbook.

Maybe it gets lost in the mail.

Because nobody tells you that so much of adulthood is simply making the best decision you can with the information you have, then hoping you didn’t just make a terrible mistake.

And somehow, we keep going.

We make the decision.

We learn.

We change our minds.

We start again.

We grow.

I think that’s where I am right now.

Growing in ways I didn’t necessarily expect.

Letting go of some things.

Holding on to others.

Trying to make peace with the fact that not everything needs to be figured out immediately.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering whether I’m doing things at the “right” time.

Whether I’m where I’m supposed to be.

Whether I should be further ahead by now.

But the more I think about it, the more I realise there really isn’t a finish line.

There’s no magical age where you suddenly understand everything, have the perfect routine, know exactly what you want, and stop Googling things you feel like you should already know.

If there is, I clearly missed that meeting.

So I’m trying to be kinder to myself.

To let myself be excited without needing to know exactly what happens next.

To be nervous without assuming it means I’m making the wrong choice.

To enjoy where I am without constantly worrying about where I’m going.

Because maybe this in-between place isn’t something I need to rush through.

Maybe it’s actually a part of the story.

Maybe it’s where we change the most.

Where we quietly outgrow old versions of ourselves.

Where we start wanting different things.

Where we realise that the life we once thought we wanted might not be the life we want anymore.

And maybe that’s okay.

I don’t have some huge life lesson to wrap this letter up with.

I wish I did.

It would make this ending much more impressive.

Instead, I think I’m just learning to be here.

To take things as they come.

To trust myself a little more.

To stop thinking that uncertainty automatically means something is wrong.

And to remember that I don’t have to know exactly where I’m going to enjoy the journey.

So, if you’re reading this and you happen to be somewhere in your own in-between, I hope you know you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re waiting for something.

Maybe you’re leaving something behind.

Maybe you’re becoming someone you haven’t met yet.

Maybe, like me, you’re just trying to figure it out as you go.

And perhaps that’s enough.

For now, I’m going to stop asking myself for all the answers.

I’ll take the next step when I can see it.

And until then, I’ll stay here for a little while.

In the middle.

In the messy, uncertain, exciting, slightly terrifying in-between.

And honestly?

I think I’m starting to like it here.

With love,

C.